Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, it turns out that people are asking women of color in interracial relationships whether they are their husband’s or boyfriend’s escort/prostitute of the day. Women are actually being propositioned. See this Washington Post article for more on that.
Now, as far as I know, no one’s ever asked my wife is she’s an escort. They’ve asked her if she’s our son’s nanny, which is pretty mouth-dropping experience. But, never an escort. Perhaps it’s because as the middle-aged parents of toddlers, there is absolutely nothing sexual about us.
More importantly, what I want to know is why people don’t think I’m the escort? I could escort. I know how to accompany. I know how to get from place to place. I generally observe rules of decorum (use your inside voice, wash your hands after using the bathroom, don’t chew with your mouth open).
Unfortunately, it seems, I am destined to not be considered an escort.
More unfortunately, it seems people are determined to believe that women of color are. And, that’s pretty terrible. In fact, it’s a pretty good reminder of the notion that as far as we’ve come we’ve got still farther yet to go.
10 Comments on “Are You My Mommy? Nanny? Escort?!”
Women of color are still seen by our society as undesirables. As though, they are worthless. Why would a white man choose a woman of color over a white woman? I mean, think about the recents studies that have been conducted claiming black women are the least desirable, are less approached, and are considered the least attractive of all the races. These were somehow considered scientific.
Regardless, as long as black women remain under valued in our country, you will have to deal with being asked if your wife is really just your nanny.
Thanks for writing in and sharing your thoughts.
I’ve never heard the “escort” comment leveled at my wife, but there is one thing that we routinely get. When we’re out to dinner we always request a booth so we can side beside each other, but still, we get the question from our server, “Separate checks?”. We’re in our 60s (though my wife definitely doesn’t look it – I can’t make that claim) and have been married for 30 yrs. To avoid this, I routinely begin the conversation with the server by saying, “My wife is a wine drinker…”.
Thanks for writing and sharing your experiences with us. All the best to you.
Hi Joe! I can definitely relate to your story. My husband and I deal with the same thing. I am African American and he is white. Everytime we went out to eat the server would ask if we were on the same check assuming that we weren’t together. It’s gotten better since we had our daughter. Now people assume we are a family. But it’s sad that people assume we weren’t together because of our races. I’m glad to know to that I am not alone in this situation.
Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. Thanks for writing and sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing Alex. Yep, this is pretty much the existence of black women with biracial children. Your turn will come too: that moment when you realize that you just lost some white privilege points because your child is brown.
Thanks for writing. Be well. And keep visiting with us.
Sadly people have asked and or thought this and it’s so rude and mean. Why can’t two people just be in love and be married.
It’s an excellent question you raise. Regrettably, people keep asking these questions. Thanks for writing in!
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