One question that interracial couples get asked a lot is “what did your parents think when you got married?”
Usually when people ask this, I tell them the honest answer. My parents thought “He got married? Really? We gave up on that happening a long, long, long time ago.” And, then they congratulated us and started asking about grandchildren, which is really the only reason your parents want you to get married anyway, no matter what race you are.
Interracial couples and multiracial families get asked a lot of other questions too. But, one we don’t get asked that often is “Is there racism within multiracial families?”
The answer is yes.
Sometimes it’s overt. There’s always that one relative. The one who just has to “keep it real” or “tell it like it is” or make clear “I’m not a racist, I’m just saying.” And, then he or she proceeds to let forth with some racist gobbledygook that makes everyone in the family – on both sides of the family — shake their head and think “holy cow, I can’t believe I’m related to this person.”
But, sometimes it’s more subtle. People make comments that sound positive but are just not really that positive on closer scrutiny. Comments about how the kids will have good hair or have a beautiful tan year round or will be beautiful (as if there was never an not-so-good-looking Biracial person) or about Little Lenny Kravitz or Little Lisa Bonet or . . . well, you get the picture. At some point, I’m waiting for someone to say that we should send our Biracial Jewish son to basketball camp to become a sports agent – thus perpetuating the stereotypes that all Black people play basketball and all Jewish people are agents or lawyers.
Don’t get me wrong. I hope my son is a good-looking superstar just like Lenny Kravitz. But, he’s a kid, an individual, who’s entitled to live his life without people heaping a bunch of stereotypical baggage on his back.
Meantime, if you’re in a multiracial family and have encountered some racism from within your family, we’d like to hear your story and how you dealt with it.
9 Comments on “Is There Racism Within Multiracial Families?”
When Brenda and I were getting serious in New Orleans, like moving in together, I sent a pic of her to my mother in St. Louis. She sent it back with a letter saying “What makes you think I want a picture of your black woman?” I didn’t speak to mom for a couple of years, sort of disowned her at that point. We eventually reconciled and Brenda and I visited and stayed at her home. Later, my grandson and I visited with her in our cross country rail trip.
Thanks so much for sharing this. All my best to you!
I have a biracial grandchildren. The oldest one is as a baby was considerably lighter than myself. I had her a church and the pastor’s wife said she did a lot to lighter up our family. I just looked at her and walked away. I don’t talk to fools or devils even at church.
Thanks for writing in and sharing. And, good for you!
I’m a white guy who was married to a black woman for 18 years. We definitely encountered racism, more on my side of the family than hers. At the rehearsal dinner for our wedding, my grandfather’s toast was “Well, time to start passing the hat for the divorce.” My grandmother didn’t approve, but tried to tell me it was because I was too young. That argument fell apart once I pointed out that I’d be 24, whereas my mother was 19, my sister was 18, and my brother was 21 when they each got married. When my third daughter was born, with blonde hair and blue eyes like her sister, my grandmother asked my wife (out of my earshot) when we’d be bringing home a little pickaninny baby. My wife told her we’d do that when she (my grandmother) and her people stopped sharecropping.
I’m a white guy who was married to a black woman for 18 years. We definitely encountered racism, more on my side of the family than hers. At the rehearsal dinner for our wedding, my grandfather’s toast was “Well, time to start passing the hat for the divorce.” My grandmother didn’t approve, but tried to tell me it was because I was too young. That argument fell apart once I pointed out that I’d be 24, whereas my mother was 19, my sister was 18, and my brother was 21 when they each got married. When my third daughter was born, with blonde hair and blue eyes like her sister, my grandmother asked my wife (out of my earshot) when we’d be bringing home a little pickaninny baby. My wife told her we’d do that when she (my grandmother) and her people stopped sharecropping.
Wow! Amazing story. Thank you for sharing.
When I was about to graduate and move to the Caribbean to marry my wife, my uncle asked if she lived in a grass hut and wore a bone in her nose. I just looked at this 60-something year old man, called him a freakin idiot and went to my room to paint. Flash forward 6 months, I tell my wife this story and she has an idea to take a photo of me in a pot with veggies getting cut up.
Genius!!
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