I’m a comic. That means that, frequently, people who aren’t comics feel compelled to to “try out” their own “jokes” on me. It’s an interesting phenomenon that I’m not sure goes on in other professions. For example, you wouldn’t go to a restaurant, walk into the kitchen and ask the chef to check out your recipe for lasagna. But with comedy, somehow, it’s different. People seem to think that if they have a mouth and they’ve watched one comedy special on tv, that renders them able to craft comedy.
Most times, I’m fine with it. I’m polite. I listen. I give feedback if asked. Otherwise, I merely thank them for sharing. Because that’s what they’re doing. They’re sharing as a way of connecting, and that’s okay by me. Sometimes, it may even be that something I’ve said onstage has inspired them, and, if that’s the case, so much the better.
However, once in awhile people cross the line. They tell a racist joke. And by “racist” I don’t mean it involves issues of race and has a clever twist that sarcastically pokes fun at racist beliefs or stereotypes. I mean, it’s “racist” as in racially derogatory toward a certain group of people (usually Black people).
This always leaves me in a very awkward and uncomfortable position. Because now I’m forced to have to deal with this racism that someone, without invitation, dropped in my lap. Particularly because I have a Black wife and a Biracial son, I feel the need to speak up.
But, what about the 19 other White people in the room who just heard the joke? Why can’t they say something too? Do you have to be married to a Black person to know that racism is wrong?
And, another thing, if you’re the one who told the joke, when you realize that my wife’s Black, you can apologize or not (that’s up to you and whether you’re sincerely contrite for not only insulting my wife and me, but all people who detest racism), but don’t try to weasel out with one of those “You know what I mean.” Yeah, I do know what you mean. You’re a racist . . . or, at least, you’re comfortable saying racially insensitive things out loud.
Point is, either apologize and fix the situation or admit that you’re a racist (or, at least, hold racist views) so I know you’re someone to avoid and to mistrust. But, don’t live in between. Don’t pretend like you aren’t racist when you are. That’s so Republican.
7 Comments on “Racist Jokes and “You Know What I Mean””
Awesome blog and clever picture. Thank you for sharing this experience. I hope anyone who says a racist joke now understands the impact of it – no matter who tell it.
Thanks so much. Thanks for writing in and for the support.
Good to know Alex, that I’m not the only one to notice the form that racism has taken in this day in age. People try to turn it on the offended and accuse them of “political correctness” or of “playing the race card.”
A white guy, a black guy, a Native American and an Asian guy were on a golf course … (Oh, you’ve heard this one?)
I’m white. I grew up amongst racists in Dixie back when they were unapologetically overt. My biggest fear is being a senile old man in a nursing home and these things come out of the depth of my memory and I’ll tell them to some black attendant. At least they may give me credit for being mentally impaired – like a lot of ppl who told me those jokes in the first place.
Rob: Thanks for reaching out and for sharing. Really appreciate you following along on the journey and sharing your stories as well. All the best. And, good luck staving off senility! 🙂
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I love your stories of your journey.
I did work in a nursing home where a patient thought I was her (slave) just reminded her where she was and that I was there to care for her, she was kinder after that.
Wow! Thanks for sharing that story! All the best to you!
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