Don’t See Color

Written by Alex on October 20, 2014 - 129 Comments

Over time, a number of people have said to me, “Okay, I get it, you’re a White guy married to a Black woman, and you have a Biracial son.  It’s enough.  You don’t have to keep talking about it.”  You’re right.  I don’t have to.  I’d be happy to stop.

There’s just one problem.

You keep talking about it.

And, when I say “you” I don’t mean “you” I mean all the other “You” out there – the ones for whom race is still an issue.  For you, I keep talking about it.  And, I’ll keep talking about it and talking about it until:

1. People stop asking us what race our son is.

2. People stop asking us whether my wife is the nanny.

3. How my son will get treated by the cops will depend on whether his skin gets any darker and his hair gets any curlier.

4. Liberal white people with advanced degrees stop pretending they “don’t see color.”

5. The day a Cheerios commercial with a multiracial family doesn’t cause a sh*tstorm of hate mail and racial epithets.

Until then, you’re gonna have to put up with me talking about it.

129 Comments on “Don’t See Color”

  • DeniseOctober 21, 2014 pm31 8:09 pmReply

    B R A V O!!!

    • AlexOctober 23, 2014 pm31 10:12 pmReply

      Thanks for writing. Sorry it took so long to get back to you!

  • MarthaOctober 21, 2014 pm31 9:10 pmReply

    Thank You :)
    My grandkids are biracial my daughter and myself constantly get quizzical looks and have even been asked whose child(ren) are those? Their father is white. It is disheartening given it’s 2014.

  • Chris LinzeyOctober 21, 2014 pm31 9:15 pmReply

    Great post! As a white dude married to a brown woman we’ve faced similar junk.

    Like when our daughter (who identifies as “peach” – she’s only 7) was doing a Thanksgiving project in school. The teacher gave all the students peach colored construction paper to make pilgrims. She gave my daughter brown construction paper. My daughter was distraught – she wanted to have the same as everyone else (and one the color of her own skin).

    While the teacher was trying to be sensitive to my wife’s identity, she totally missed out on speaking to my daughter’s sense of self.

    Thanks again for posting!

    • AlexOctober 21, 2014 pm31 10:43 pmReply

      Thanks for writing in and sharing your story! All the best to you and your family!

  • RitaOctober 22, 2014 am31 12:05 amReply

    Stand as the man God place you hear to be. Take care of your family and love them like it’s not tomorrow. Love has no color. The heart when broken bleeds red blood and all of ours no matter what is the same color. God bless you and your family. I pray His protection over you….

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:24 pmReply

      Thank you!

  • MichaelOctober 22, 2014 am31 6:38 amReply

    As a black guy married to a white woman, I feel you. Keep talking about it until it is “heard”. Best of luck to you and yours.

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:24 pmReply

      Thank you! And, thanks for sharing your story!!! All the best!

  • Kathy MichaelOctober 22, 2014 am31 6:59 amReply

    My husband and I met as volunteers for Kairos Prison Ministry. We married right years ago at the ages of 50 and 56. We notice children don’t have issues among we are married. He has two bi-racial daughters from his first marriage and my daughter has her dad’s, my first husband’s curly hair so people think she is bi-racial also. I’ve been asked by older folks what we call or daughters or what they call themselves. We say, “Adrianne, Angel, and Nicole.” I follow and enjoy your Facebook page. That baby boy is darling.

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:25 pmReply

      Thanks for writing! And, thanks for sharing your story!

  • NameJamesOctober 22, 2014 am31 7:30 amReply

    Commentrace racism you would think we will be over it by now but we’re not i to have biracial children and I love them regardless people need to realize at this point they going to be the majority very very soon so keep talking about it god bless you & your FAMILY O:-)

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:26 pmReply

      Thank you!

  • Name DarleneOctober 22, 2014 am31 7:53 amReply


    Hi Alex I love your family and i think it’s wonderfull how proud you are of them it’s great! Keep sharing your love you have with your family hopefully it will rub off on the ignorant . I too have been married out of a interracial relationship and have a beautiful 18 year old daughter black/puerto rican. Like you I too do not give a d-m what people use to do with me and her father was uncall for. The evil eyes when doing things as a family in publuc if eyes can kill It would be my race looking at him and his race looking at me like it was detestable. God said be fruitful and be many.. I wish you guys the very best and keep sharing much love. <3

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:26 pmReply

      Great hearing from you! Thanks so much for writing and thanks for sharing!

  • JackieOctober 22, 2014 am31 8:00 amReply

    I know what you mean! Race should not be an issue but for some people that’s all they see is color! I am sick and tired of it…it is soo old to hear people talk about black people as if they are some kind of monsters. I hate it with a passion how white people always has something to say about a interracial couple! I’m white myself and I have no issue with dating outside my race..but my family sees different. I have alot of black friends at work and most of them are guys…I feel like I can be myself when I’m at work but at home it is almost as I am forbidden to speak of any black guy and one of them are my best friend! I have dated a black guy but no one knew about it Bc if they knew I would have to go through hell. There has been times where I just wanted to tell the world Bc I loved him…but I was scared to see what my dad would do or say. I was scared he would disown me and never talk to me again. It’s not only a struggle for the black person involved it is also a struggle for the white person too! It is so disgusting and I wish it would stop!!!

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:27 pmReply

      Thanks for sharing your story!

  • vavaOctober 22, 2014 am31 9:30 amReply

    Continue till they stop asking…… we are one race, the human race…..

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:26 pmReply


  • KatrinaOctober 22, 2014 am31 9:31 amReply

    I so agree with you. You shouldn’t stop talking about it. And I think some people pretend to not see color in order to escape their culpability of looking the other way when things happen that involve race. They would have to do more than shake their heads when some of this nonsense happens. I believe if we all have a serious conversation about color/race, we could get something accomplished. I get that “I don’t see color” thing all the time; but what gets me is, if you don’t see my color you miss out on who I truly am. Being my color in this country has shaped the way I have to live my life; especially because of those who do see it and have a problem with it. I have addressed this very same thing in one of my blog posts. (
    I would love to see, (in my lifetime), a world where all are seen as humans beings only.

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:27 pmReply

      Thank you for writing in and for writing about this!!

  • Ashlee HarrisonOctober 22, 2014 pm31 1:12 pmReply

    I commend you for writing about this. Talking about it is the only way people will come together. Your family will be stronger and better people for sticking together through other’s hate and harsh words. I wish you and your family all the strength and love you deserve.

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:28 pmReply

      Thank you!

  • DarleneOctober 22, 2014 pm31 2:35 pmReply


    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:29 pmReply


  • Gary MintzOctober 22, 2014 pm31 6:13 pmReply

    For what it’s worth, I’m 45 years old and I’ve dealt with this issue ever since I was a sophomore in high school right up until now. I’ve become a bit more desensitized to it over the years, but I still recognize the abnormal reactions when we get them. My kids are mixed black/white, and most of the looks and reactions I get when I’m out with them appear very normal to me these days. A sign, to me, that times are getting better. Do we still have a long way to go? We certainly do, but I do feel it is getting better.

    One thing I’ve learned along the way, and something I teach my kids, is not to let the “haters” out there steal your joy with their hate. I like how you’re turning their hate into something positive. Say strong Alex, and you have a beautiful family man!

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:29 pmReply

      Gary: Thanks for writing in, sharing and offering your support! All the best to you!

  • AmyOctober 22, 2014 pm31 7:26 pmReply

    I don’t like what you said about liberal white people with an advanced degree pretending not to see color. Lol. You’re getting mad at people judging you then you say that. Hypocritical. All my friends happen to be wealthy liberal white people who love all people. Two of them are in interracial relationships. So yeah.

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:29 pmReply


  • Jerom BinningsNameOctober 22, 2014 pm31 10:42 pmReply

    Comment I’ve been married 26 years… “interracial couple.” The problem is that we refer to “race” as if it is a given. As if it is fact. A myth that was created some four centuries ago to justify the abuse of fellow humans has become in our collective social conscience a reality. We have forgotten that what we believe to be true now was once make-believe. What is needed is not that society accept “interracial couples.” What is needed is that society dismiss the myth of race.

  • AlisonOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:08 pmReply

    I can so relate to this! Or how about a white person who has noone of color in their family or close to them saying, “I don’t see the racism that you’re talking about.” Smh!

    • AlexOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:32 pmReply

      Thanks for writing in!

  • dwightOctober 22, 2014 pm31 11:18 pmReply

    Bravo Alex!

    Might I add,….

    #5 Stop trying to touch my (Bi Racial) kids hair – she is not a dog for you to pet. Asking me first does not make it any better.

    #6 Don’t be surprised by my reaction to your attempts to do so – it’s never pretty.

    #7 Seeing my children and I in the grocery store with my significantly-lighter-than-I children is not a license for you to grill me about the genetic makeup of their mother – it’s non of your business actually. And if you must ask, use the correct sentence structure – asking me “WHAT” is their mother is an insult, she is not a thing. My response will be the same however – it’s non of your business.

    #8 Well-meaning humans of all cultural backgrounds – please stop telling ‘us’ we are the ‘future’ of the world and that your ‘color-blind’ utopia will only be achieved once we all look the same. It’s not true and it does not address the real issues around race – it simply hopes to avoid it.

    Thanks for reading

  • KurtOctober 23, 2014 am31 8:35 amReply

    Amen Alex,

    AMEN and they all said a great big AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN. I am a white guy and my wife is second generation African American (her father was born and raised in Ghana) so I can relate to your blogs.

    Amen for this blog. I mostly dislike people thinking my wife is the nanny. My wife had our daughter at a park one day and some kids, KIDS said to her are you her babysitter. UGH It breaks my heart.

    We live in Westchester County, NY (north of NYC) and still get looks. For us, we experience racism from both black and white races. We love each other, our daughter and baby on the way. =D

    Keep up this blog. You bring wisdom, strength and encouragement to your readers and hopefully enlightenment to the haters.

    • AlexOctober 23, 2014 pm31 10:10 pmReply

      Thank you so much for writing in and for sharing your story! And, thanks for the support!

  • Christian BorreOctober 24, 2014 pm31 3:40 pmReply

    I’m a 51 year old mixed race man. I can say with confidence & experience that both black & white people are morons, bias, envious, and in some instances down right hateful when it comes to dealing with people of my racial background. No one race corners the market on assine comments and/or assumptions on mixed race people. Most of you cannot deal with anything or anyone that doesn’t fit into your brainwashed categorized minds. Barack Obama the firstblack president? Most of you simply label that part of our genetic makeup that feel is the inferior blood , and bang you’re black if your parents , are black & white, bang you’re Asian if your parents are Caucasian & Asian. Most of the morons that think this way have the mindset as our ancestors that thought eclipses were signs ofthe end of the world. As a child , dealing with black & white morons, I always hoped things would be better when I grew up. Boy was I wrong. We’re as dumb as ever. That’s why my sister and I both decided years ago to have children and have them deal with the absolute torture we suffered and still do as 50 year olds. You people will never be ready.

  • ChidaOctober 26, 2014 pm31 3:50 pmReply

    In our family, we see the race which makes us humans and each of us beautiful for what we are and we give as human beings. We are ouselves a ‘mixte race’ family. Parents from Iran, 4 girls born in Iran, Morroco and Algeria, raised in Morroco, Algeria, Iran, France and Canada. Sisters married Iranian, French Guyanese, French Canadian, English Canadian. 3 granddaughters born in Canada and raised in Canada, Jamaica, Gabon and Guinea. Last granddaughter adopted from China and speaking beautiful Persian, french and English. One grandson engaged to Haitian/Dominican girl. We are waiting to see from where the other members of the family will come from. Good luck with your beautiful family.

    • AlexOctober 26, 2014 pm31 11:29 pmReply

      Thank you! And, thanks for writing in and sharing your story!

  • NameSheilaFebruary 27, 2015 pm28 7:44 pmReply

    CommentThank you for your heightened level of awareness that you need to keep talking about it! It’s important that this narrative continues….

    • AlexMarch 2, 2015 pm31 11:05 pmReply

      Thank you for reading and for writing in.

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