I’ve been a dad for four plus years now.  And, it’s been the best part of my life.  There are trying times to be sure.  But, it’s rewarding beyond measure.  I’ve learned some things along the way.  And, here are the top ones that I’ve learned from parenting:

1. It’s the mental, not the physical, that’ll get you:

I’d rather be at home with my son than anywhere else.  Of course, when I’m at home with him, I really wish he’d give me a break once in awhile.  I love being his dad, but it’d be nice if we could maybe cut it down to 23/6/364.  That other 24-hour period I’m sleeping.

It’s not that I’m physically not up to the task of being his dad.  I’m 48 but I’m in good shape.  It’s the mental and emotional toll.  Kids don’t understand the concept of time.  They don’t get “wait a sec.”

So what I’ve learned from parenting is that it’s all about trying to squeeze in what you want and need to do in the in-betweens of attending to your child’s needs every second of the time you’re with them.  Which is why I now understand that we send kids to school not to educate them but so parents can catch a breath.  Yes, it’s great that our 4-year-old knows how to spell his name and count to 100.  But, it’s more important that I’m not hurling sh*t across the room out of frustration that I can’t even go the bathroom without him following me in there so that I can fix the broken leg on his toy.

Do you know what it’s like to fix a broken toy while you’re going to bathroom?  It’s nerve-racking.  It’s a weakened position to be in because your privates are exposed, which is a vulnerable position indeed.  And, the thing about parenting is that any fear, any vulnerability can be sensed by toddlers faster and more efficiently that it can be sensed by the keenest-nosed canines.

Second, and perhaps more practically, when you’re trying to go to the bathroom while fixing a toy, there’s a very real risk that you will drop the toy (or part thereof) into the toilet.  I have my own personal experience with this as a parent, and, in fact, if I’m being perfectly candid here, I can remember whining / demanding that my mother fish one of the boots off a doll of my out of the toilet.  So, kudos to my mother for not only getting the boot but for not braining me in the process.

So, number 1, parenting is mentally and emotionally exhausting.  That’s just the first thing you learn.  There are many others.

2.  You’ll never really know exactly what you’re doing wrong until it’s way too late:

When raising kids, there are certain fundamental concepts that will keep you on the straight and narrow.  By and large, respecting others, keeping one’s hands to oneself, and learning to share will get you through nine out of ten situations.  If you do nothing else but impart to your child those three main concepts, you’ll have done a fair chunk of your job.

That said, there are so many little moments along the way where you have to make split decisions about how to act. i.e., Does he have to eat broccoli? What happens if I left him stay up too late?  Is he potty-trained early enough?  What’s with all this nose-picking?  The list goes on and on.  Inevitably, no matter how well-intentioned and how well-researched you are, you will screw up.

Problem is, you likely won’t know until it’s too late.  It’s not like letting your child watch an extra hour of TV a day will cause the child the following day to turn into a narcissistic, asocial monster.  One day, one week, one year of TV doesn’t do that.  But, over time . . .  well, who knows?  Problem is, by the time that much cumulative extra-TV watching has become sizeable enough to cause a problem, it’s a problem that’s been developing over time, slowly but surely, like someone getting fat.  By the time you see the problem, it’s too late.  Now drastic measures will be needed.

So, what’s the second lesson I’ve learned from parenting? Do the very best you can, but realize that your child will grow up to be a flawed human being and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that except try to make sure that the flaws are not ones that lead to criminal activity.

3. Love conquers all (almost):

The Beatles famously sang, “All you need is love.”  When it comes to raising a kid, that’s basically true.  Sure, kids want toys (believe me, they want toys, and they will let you know that every time you get within smelling distance of a toy store).  But really what they want is attention and affection and most of all, love.  They want to know that you have their back, that they can rely on you; that you are safe haven.

When all else in the world is big and scary and overwhelming, your child wants and needs to know and believe and feel that you are the port in the storm.  So, if you do nothing else in your role as parent, if you give your child unconditional love and make sure he or she knows that to be true, you will have done your job.

Almost.

You still have to feed the little monster.